1/30/11

My draft song: "He Left Me for Snooki"

(Must sing in thick, southern, drawl a la Hayes Carll's "She Left Me For Jesus twang....)

Here we go: 

It’s my last night in Houston,

and I’m feeling ok,
‘cause I’m leaving this town
without herpes...
[stretch out the word 'herpes' as long as possible]
Lucky me…
[again, stretch this out as well]
Then, heavy on the guitar here:He left me for Sno----oki
He left me for Sno---oki,
but that’s alright with me..
yeah, that's alright with me...

pause

‘Cause you left me for Sno-oki,
when I wasn’t lookin’….
you were Facebookin’,
[bet you thought she was actually good lookin!]
[say the last sentence sort of slow and talk]

pause
then heavy on the guitar again here...
He left me for Sno----oki

He left me for Sno---oki,
but that’s alright with me..
yeah, that's alright with me...

Well, she’s a sad sight to see,
that good ‘ol Snooki,
‘bet she’s giving you VD,
when you’re making good ‘ol whoopee….. 
[play around with the words here, maybe drop 'good']

[heavy on guitar here]


Well,
He left me for Sno----oki
He left me for Sno---oki,
but that’s alright with me…….
‘Cause now I’m making whoopee with Wookie…

Oh...  he left me for Sno----oki
he left me for Sno---oki,
but that’s alright with me…….
‘Cause now I’m making whoopee with Wookie
and all I got was a bad case of…. fleas.
[last line of the song, say/sing slowly]


[Then, in slow talking voice... just start letting it rip.. ;-]
"Darlin’
If you wanted VD,
why didn’t tell me?
I mean, maybe we could have worked it out…"

or "Man, never knew you liked them short and stubby… and dumb and ugly."

or "man, I got all this education and all these degrees, and I'm cute and I'm funny and you won't even fuck me?"  [sorry, that one is not PG-13]

And to that I say "thank god, amen, allelujah!"  ;-)


Snooki (aka Jami K)